Research Analysis paper

THE TITLE OF COACH immediately places responsibility upon the coach
to fulfi ll a variety of roles, including
teacher, counselor, colleague, mentor,
supervisor, and leader (Martens,
2012). Within each role, the
coach is challenged to eff ectively
communicate with student-athletes,
other coaches, administrators,
and parents. Coaches frequently
discover that parents are the most
contentious and often present one of
the greatest challenges to developing
and leading their team (Brown,
2003). Th erefore, coaches must fi nd
a way to eff ectively communicate
with parents in sport.By Pete Van Mullem

and Mike Cole

Effective
Strategies for

Communicating
WITH PARENTS

in Sport

Volume 28 • January/February  13

Through years of practical experience and a review of litera-
ture on coaching education (Carter & Bloom, 2009; Erickson,
Bruner, MacDonald, & Cote, 2008; Hardman & Jones, 2011;
Jones, 2006; Jones, Potrac, Cushion, & Ronglan, 2011; Lyle
& Cushion, 2010; Simon, 2013; Smoll, Cumming, & Smith,
2011), the authors have identified the following seven types
of parents in interscholastic sport: 1) performance-focused, 2)
emotionally driven, 3) seasoned veteran, 4) financial influencer,
5) verbal abuser, 6) submissive bystander, and 7) clock watcher.
To better prepare coaches to effectively communicate with par-
ents, this article describes the seven types of parents with whom
coaches commonly communicate in sport. The article also pro-
vides key characteristics to assist coaches in identifying these
types of parents and recommends strategies to assist coaches in
effectively communicating with parents.

Types of Parents
Performance-focused

The United States is considered to be a results-oriented soci-
ety that measures success by the attainment of money, winning,
and personal achievement (Simon, 2013). Sport often mimics
the cultural values of society. Thus, the values and actions of
those associated with sport are driven by societal values (Eit-
zen & Sage, 2009). The performance-focused parent is seeking
results to justify their son or daughter’s involvement in sport
(Hyman, 2009), and as a product of a results-oriented culture,
they often view their son or daughter’s participation in sport
as a means to achieve success in the form of winning, personal
achievement, or a college scholarship (Smoll et al., 2011).

Typically, a performance-focused parent is a former ath-
lete with a driven personality. They understand what it takes
to be successful based on societal values, and they judge their

personal and professional lives on their ability to meet societal
standards. To identify a performance-focused parent, look for
parents who:

•   watch practices and off-season workouts and often com-
pare the performance of the participants;

•   organize  club  teams  and  take  them  to  competitions  and 
tournaments;

•   spend time training their son or daughter;
•   monitor their son or daughter’s statistical performance;
•   talk  with  their  son  or  daughter  immediately  following 

competition; and
•   occasionally  criticize  other  players  by  making  comments 

such as, “Joe should be rebounding like Sam” or “Sally sure
makes a lot of mistakes at her position.”

To effectively communicate with performance-focused par-
ents, work on keeping them involved from a distance. In other
words, be cautious in allowing performance-focused parents to
get too close, as it will be difficult for them to distinguish between
what is good for the team and what is in the best interest of their
child. Tell the parent that the enthusiasm and commitment they
demonstrate in helping their child could be beneficial for the en-
tire team. Encourage them to include other team members in
individualized workouts and activities they organize to increase
the value of the athletic sport experience for everyone involved
(Smoll et al., 2011). Express to them that if the entire team im-
proves, the experience for their child will also improve.

Emotionally driven
The dedication and commitment that student-athletes and

coaches demonstrate toward their sport often generate a strong
emotional attachment to the activity, making it challenging for
student-athletes and coaches to manage their emotions (Po-
trac & Marshall, 2011). Parents who get easily caught up in the

excitement surrounding their son or
daughter’s sport experience may also
develop an emotional attachment to
the activity (Hyman, 2009). Often, the
more connected a parent is emotionally
to the activity, the more in sync they
become with their child’s emotions
surrounding their sport experience. If
the child experiences elation, then the
parent will feel elation (Kriegel, 2007).
Conversely, if a child has a poor per-
formance, the parent may become de-
pressed. These changes in mood can be
momentary or can last the entire sea-
son, and they often negatively impact
the child and possibly the entire team.

One method for recognizing an
emotionally driven parent is to ob-
serve how they react after a competi-
tion:

•   Do  they  smile  after  a  win  and 
pout after a loss?

14  Strategies

Volume 28 • January/February  15

•   How do they interact with other parents in social settings? 
For example, do they keep their distance at team functions
(e.g., postseason awards banquet, pregame gatherings,
fundraisers, and road games) when their child is unhappy?

•   Do they seem more engaged in team functions when their 
child is happy?

Additionally, when coaches teach siblings from the same
family, the emotionally driven parent will often react to situa-
tions based on the emotional state of the child currently playing,
regardless of the experiences of their previous son or daughter
who participated in the past.

Coaches are in a unique position to address parental con-
cerns and enhance student-athletes’ overall experience in sport
(Smoll et al., 2011). To effectively communicate with the emo-
tionally driven parent, consider working directly with the stu-
dent-athlete. Teach the student-athlete how to deal with losing
and winning in a positive way (Martens, 2012). If the student-
athlete is able to manage their emotions, a parent may be more
likely to temper their excitement and frustrations, even if it is at
odds with their personality (Potrac & Marshall, 2011). Another
approach is to educate parents early in the season, preferably
during a parent meeting, about up-and-coming trials and trib-
ulations associated with playing competitive athletics. Let them
know that sport provides a wonderful learning opportunity and
that they should look for ways to help their child learn from the
experience (Brown, 2003).

Seasoned veteran
Previous experience as a student-athlete is often a prerequi-

site for becoming a coach (Erickson et al., 2008), and typically,
coaches will draw on their experiences as a student-athlete for
ideas and coaching techniques (Carter & Bloom, 2009). A par-
ent with an athletic background also uses previous experiences
in sport to understand and react to their child’s participation in
sport. How the parent communicates with their son or daugh-
ter’s coach may be influenced by their previous sport experience
(e.g., success, skill level, length of career, and interactions with
previous coaches) and how many of their children are current
or previous sport participants.

To identify a seasoned-veteran parent, notice whether the
parent:

•   seems  to  be  living  through  the  experience  and  achieve-
ment of the child;

•   hopes their child reaches their level of success as an athlete 
or makes up for their own lack of athletic accomplish-
ments (Martens, 2001; Smoll et al., 2011); or

•   demonstrates  knowledge  of  the  game  and  offers  insight 
that could be helpful.

To effectively communicate with the seasoned-veteran par-
ent, form a relationship with the parent and establish mutual
trust based on the team’s development, not just their child’s
performance (Ronglan & Havang, 2011). Although they may
struggle to separate themselves from their child, if the parent
competed at a high level of sport, he or she may legitimately
have an understanding of sport and the experience their child

is going through. Because the seasoned-veteran parent may
be able to provide valuable insight (Dorfman, 2003), listen to
them and avoid getting defensive regarding their suggestions
and comments (Smoll et al., 2011). Continue to keep an open
line of communication with them, as long as the conversation
focuses on what is best for the team.

Financial influencer
In sport, decisions regarding sport selection, participation

opportunities, and availability of sport facilities are often driven
by a student-athlete’s socioeconomic status (Coakley, 2009). As
state funding for sports at the interscholastic level continues to
decrease (Blackburn, Forsyth, Olson, & Whitehead, 2013), the
role of the parents in providing financial assistance for sport
participation and opportunities (e.g., club sports, private train-
ing sessions, and access to private facilities) continues to in-
crease (Popke, 2007). Although a student-athlete’s experience
may be limited by their parents’ disposable income, it may also
be greatly enhanced by a parent’s ability to provide additional
training sessions and the use of advanced training facilities.
Parents who are financial influencers are often from a higher
socioeconomic status and:

•   utilize their financial status to increase opportunities  for 
their child;

•   are well known in the community and/or have a business 
that is highly involved with local athletic teams;

•   tend to view success in sport only in terms of victories and 
financial profit (e.g., college scholarships, increased spon-
sorship opportunities, sold-out arenas; Torres & Hager,
2013); and

•   openly  flaunt  an  endless  supply  of  money  by  enrolling 
their child in specialized training programs, paying for
off-season tournament entry fees, and offering to purchase
team equipment.

Their financial status and ability to buy experiences for their
child may give them a strong influence over the coach and
other parents, thereby making it easy to appreciate and accept
monetary support. However, the coach must be cautious in
how they interact with and accept monetary support from a
parent willing to contribute, as this scenario can place undue
pressure on the coach to provide additional opportunities for
the financial influencer’s child. In business, a common practice
is to expect something in return for monetary support (Gulati,
2012). In the context of a child’s sport experience, the expected
return is often increased playing time. This becomes a danger-
ous situation for the coach and could possibly risk their cred-

To effectively communicate
with performance-focused

parents, work on keeping them
involved from a distance.

16  Strategies

ibility and effectiveness in leading their team ( Janssen & Dale,
2006).

Furthermore, money will almost always drive the finan-
cial influencer’s decision making and often becomes their first
choice when solving a problem. Accustomed to getting their
way, the financial influencer will often blame the coach when
the situation is out of their control (Martens, 2001). The chal-
lenge for a coach is to balance the financial influencer’s desire
to be close to the team with the coach’s need to seek additional
funding for their program. Try to create distance from this type
of parent and avoid accepting offers or favors even though it
may help the team. Form a parent group (e.g., booster club) to
dissipate the conflict of interest and require all financial contri-
butions to come from the group. Additionally, the parent group
provides the coach with an opportunity to communicate di-
rectly with the parent(s), while using the group as a barrier to
conversations involving fund-raising and financial support.

Verbal abuser
In the coach–athlete relationship, a coach uses words to mo-

tivate and create action (Martens, 2012), and the tone of the
message delivered can often have a lasting positive or nega-
tive effect (Hamilton, 2013). A coach who engages in verbal
abuse of student-athletes creates a negative culture, which of-
ten drives kids away from sport (Hyman, 2009). Surprisingly,
this applies to parents as well. A parent who is openly vocal
and speaks their mind may generate a negative environment
at sporting events that affects spectators, coaches, participants,
and officials (Dorfman, 2003).

To identify the verbally abusive parent, listen during a game
or competitive event. This type of parent:

•   is often the most vocal and demonstrates a controlling and 
dominant personality;

•   is not afraid to speak his or her mind;
•   relishes the opportunity to be heard, as they often shout 

negative thoughts during competition and share demean-
ing information about players;

•   often sits by him or herself at sporting events; and
•   quickly goes to their son or daughter after a game to relive 

moments from the recently completed competition.

The verbally abusive parent will rarely have the coach’s or
team’s best interest in mind. Therefore, to effectively commu-
nicate with this type of parent, the coach should increase com-
munication with the student-athlete and develop a stronger
coach–athlete relationship. If the coach builds a stronger bond
with the student-athlete, the student-athlete will have a better

understanding of the coach’s decisions regarding their athletic
experience ( Jones & Bailey, 2011). Ideally, positive interaction
with a coach will be communicated by the student-athlete to
the parents, thereby possibly mellowing the parents’ abusive
behavior.

Submissive bystander
Participation in athletics provides student-athletes with a

place to develop autonomy and grow socially through interac-
tions with peers, parents, and coaches (Torres & Hager, 2013).
Thus, one of the greatest challenges for parents in sport is the
relinquishment of control by giving their child to the game
and entrusting the coach to provide positive guidance (Brown,
2003). Although not necessarily intentional, the submissive-
bystander parent has released their child to the game and the
coach.

To identify the submissive-bystander parent, reflect on the
parents who interact the least with the coach and team. The
submissive-bystander parent will often avoid interaction with
the coach for one of the following reasons:

•   They  believe  that  competitive  sport  can  provide  positive 
values and experiences; thus, they release their child to the
game and entrust the coach as a leader, sometimes blindly
believing all coaches have their child’s best interest at
heart (Brown, 2003).

•   They have little or no experience with competitive sport as 
a participant or with older siblings. This lack of familiarity
with sport may make them uncomfortable when interact-
ing with coaches and other parents.

To effectively communicate with the submissive-bystander
parent, find avenues to generate conversation. Seek opportuni-
ties to connect and get to know them better and acknowledge
them by complimenting their child, if applicable. When they
know they are appreciated, submissive-bystander parents will
likely support the coach and be less likely to question coaching
tactics if approached by other parents (Martens, 2001). Ideally,
a coach wants a parent to stay in the submissive-bystander role,
because too much interaction and encouragement to become
involved may lead to a heightened sense of their role as a parent
and to them becoming more involved than needed or beyond
their abilities to be helpful.

Clock watcher
Managing playing time among student-athletes can be one

of the more difficult challenges that a coach faces. Coupled
with ongoing pressure from parents lobbying for more play-
ing time for their child (Torres & Hager, 2013), parent and
coach disagreements are often a result of a difference in opinion
about the child’s athletic talents and abilities (Martens, 2001).
Although much of coaching is subjective (Dorfman, 2003), the
clock provides an objective means for a parent to evaluate their
child’s playing time. Therefore, regardless of the parent’s ability
to judge talent, the clock-watcher parent uses the clock to as-
sess their child’s participation and experience in sport.

To identify the clock-watcher parent, have an assistant
coach or a trustworthy friend scan the crowd and make note

To effectively communicate with
the emotionally driven parent,
consider working directly with

the student-athlete.

Volume 28 • January/February  17

of parents documenting their child’s playing time. This type of
parent:

•   typically  is  not  shy  about  letting  others  know  they  are 
watching the clock, because it does not reflect on their
ability to judge talent;

•   considers the status of being a starter to be important; and
•   may confront the coach regarding playing time, while of-

ten comparing their child to a starting player.

To effectively communicate with the clock-watcher parent,
utilize a preseason parent meeting to establish the expecta-
tions and standards for parents to communicate with the coach
(Martens, 2001). Get the message across to all parents that as
the level of competition increases, arguably, a coach is less obli-
gated to evenly distribute playing time (Kretchmar, 2013). Ex-
plain that playing time cannot be guaranteed but is something
that is earned based on a number of subjective factors (e.g., hard
work, skill mastery, and character) and objective measures (e.g.,
statistics, punctuality, and attendance).

Conclusion
A positive relationship with a coach, coupled with effective

communication between the coach and parents, can provide
student-athletes with a healthy environment to grow and de-
velop (Vella, Oades, & Crowe, 2010). The coach, entrusted by
parents to lead and guide their son or daughter’s sport experi-
ences, must be able to identify the different types of parents in
sport and communicate effectively with each of them. By iden-
tifying the types of parents discussed in this article and imple-
menting the communication strategies suggested, coaches will
be better able to fulfill their role as a leader in sport and create a
positive sport experience for student-athletes both on the field
and at home.

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Pete Van Mullem ([email protected]) is an assistant professor in the
Sport Administration- Division/Health & Kinesiology at Lewis-
Clark State College in Lewiston, ID; and Mike Cole is a mathematics
teacher and coach at Bozeman High School in Bozeman, MT.

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